Passion or Balance?

So-called insanity occasionally takes over my life, and I’m quite proud of that fact. One of the latest creative bursts I had involved Python swallowing me whole for a couple of weekends, capturing me with its intricacy until the break of dawn. While I don’t know exactly what will come out of my newfound ability to write hacky code, fractals have already been thrown into the mix - as a prime ingredient no less.

The point this ultimately brings me to is one of passion: Truly great things never happen without it. They don’t happen when there’s a clearly defined plan, when everything is laid out. They don’t happen at a relaxed pace, or even a 9-5 hectic one. No, what we need is something entirely different. Something which can’t be forced.

Letting my mind wander for no apparent purpose, having the opportunity to explore things I’m curious about (just because), gives me the chance to refill my creative well and let it spill out over all areas of my life. Even if its practical applications were not clear from the beginning, finally being able to program a bit is actually a childhood dream come true. Isn’t that what we life for, after all? And it might just be the secret to make things happen.

Don’t let “it” stop you

“It” can be anything. It can be your own fear, your perception that what you’re doing is not right, that you somehow don’t hold up to the imaginary standard you set for yourself. Your energy is constantly expanding, but when you put the various “it”s of your life in the way, you will only block yourself.

There are several things I’ve had to clear out of the way lately: The idea that any and all of my images must be accompanied by “thoughtful and deep” words, thinking it’s ok for a completed image to remain unpublished just because I don’t feel like writing today, believing I don’t need to share what I do with the world, that I only do it for myself.

All these things have proven to be so wrong on so many levels. I can’t keep hiding behind this kind of “it”. I owe that much to my creative spirit. Just like most paradoxes in life, as soon as you face it head-on it has a tendency to resolve itself, to vanish into air. I don’t have to write content to pad this wonderful image I present to you, but curiously, I can’t help it from pouring out of me.

99% inspiration indeed.

The Elements Dance in the Forest

It feels good to be writing again. I usually love the silence, but I was twitching to blog something lately. Some time away from the keyboard and the weekly pressure of posting has been very refreshing, but it’s time to pick up the pace again.

There have been a lot of changes in my life, which have made me think about the direction this blog should be taking, and I have lots of ideas in mind that I’ll be slowly adding to this space.

In the meantime, my artwork has started to show a new light; the energy behind my creations is coming through much clearer and as vibrant as ever. This is the perfect time to make up for a long standing debt, the promise of making (some of) my artwork available as wallpapers.

The elements have been speaking to me again lately, so I thought I’d honor them with an update to this old series. It’s incredible to go back just a little in time and see such a difference in composition and polish between those old fractals and my new work. But you be the judge of that, and let me know your opinion in the comments!

Elementals (2nd series)

Click on each image to see the larger version , then right-click to download.

Air

Fire

Water

Earth

We are Never Alone

I have always known - at a mental level - that there are divine aspects present in our lives, no matter how I specifically choose to perceive and name them. One or several forces, entities, things I can hardly describe in words that make sense, surround me at all times. Most of the time, however, I somehow manage to ignore this fact, living my life as if there was absolutely nothing special happening.

That changed somehow after watching one of Stephens latest video post about Ho’oponopono, which made me (re-)discover this fascinating concept (I don’t know how to pronounce it either!). It really hit me on a gut level that our own connection to divinity is not something we vaguely know to exist, but something that can be lived with every cell of our bodies, every moment. This connection is one of the most amazing gifts of this life - the ability to just let go of our pains and be filled with love and inspiration by just asking for it.

In my case, this connection to the divine manifests itself in the form of digital art, words, ideas; but it’s something different for every person. So what about you? Do you nurture this connection to the divine in your life? How does it express itself physically? I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments.

Does Beauty need an Explanation?

I don’t think she does.

Beauty is fundamentally subjective, and no explanation does her justice. Just let her flow right into you, let the seed she carries be planted. Soon, you’ll discover that an unexplicable spark - usually only noticed in those rare moments you seem more awake than usual - is present everywhere, whispering to your senses. What a joy life becomes when you find that spark!

And then the Moon Turned Red

I missed writing about this yesterday, but it’s still worth saying even if it isn’t news anymore. The eclipse was beautiful, and I was lucky enough to watch it from the roof of my building sometime after wednesday midnight. I tried capturing the moment, but ultimately settled for this abstract depiction (which hardly does the experience justice).

Intuition has always been very hard to describe for me. Generally it’s nothing more than a whisper, easily mistaken for the senseless chatter of the unconscious; it’s only the worldview I choose that gives the word its significance. Other times, such as this one, it’s a feeling so strong that it just forces me to drop everything and follow my gut. As usual, I found out about it the same day it was going to happen. As usual, the lazy part of me tried to convince me that it wasn’t going to be anything special; but as usual, the overwhelmingly strong urge to be there got the best of me.

It was definitely not the kind of thing I’d want to miss. The full moon was shining golden, red and orange, with such a force that it permeated me. It seemed like it was pulsating life, energy, pure fire. It certainly struck a chord inside, and the next day I just happened to stumble upon a story fit for the occasion, which spookily reflected my own inner struggles.

I wonder what opportunities I have been missing that could have made my day even a little bit more magical. Every night could be like this if I just chose to make it so. And what about you? Feel free to share your magical stories, ecplise-related or not, in the comments.

The Second Half of Art

I have always said that creating art is only the first half of the work, half its significance. The other part, the one that completes the piece, makes it come full circle and gives it meaning, is the act of observation.

This was made very clear to me recently, when Deb left a comment in one of my latest posts to tell me how I had moved her to open up and start listening to her artistic inspiration. Barely knowing me, she told me of a vision that struck her, an interpretation I had never intended but which was nevertheless very powerful - in a way relevant to her and her unique viewpoint.

A particular image, just like the fractal it’s composed of, can replicate infinitely to present a unique and personalized version of itself to each of its viewers, sometimes meaningless, sometimes deeply transforming. My own perspective is only one among many, and with that realization, all I can do is take a step back and let my art speak for itself, allowing it to unfold and reach its fullest potential - without being hampered by the constraints of my particular interpretation.

In that spirit, today’s piece doesn’t come with an introduction. Instead, I’ll let you decide what to make of it, how to complete the puzzle that brings something deeper to this mere collection of colored dots. I must say that I am deeply grateful to you, for you have given my art a breath of life, and by doing that, turned into an artist yourself. I’d love to hear about your interpretation in the comments, if you feel like sharing it.

Peace

Slade has done it again. He took a simple concept and put it into words in a way that has deep implications. His latest post, Spinning your Story, talks about how we can transform the stories of our own life simply through a new perspective. The Stories that No Longer Serve You, the original piece that inspired his follow-up, is also purely magical. These two posts were the firestarters of what I’m writing about here, the changes I’ve been going through recently.

Our continual experience of this life is nothing more but a single moment traveling along the axis of time, changing at every interval. That is our prime human quality, our ability to evolve, to move away from the things we no longer wish for, to align our lives with our self declared purpose. In short, spinning our stories.

I used to be - still am, to some extent - a violent person. My emotions have carried me away more times than I can count, bringing me right to the edge, thankfully allowing me to stop right before irreversibly crossing the line. But after much searching within me for the cause of this seemingly unwanted behaviour, I came to a baffling conclusion: the energy behind these impulses I have felt isn’t something bad; it’s actually the source of my passion, my inspiration. The violent states I have found my mind in are too often just a way for my spirit to express a primal, creative urge that I haven’t really given an opportunity to come forward through other means.

I realize that I am able to transform the violence I feel into something different. Chaos can be destruction, but also creation - ultimately, both of these opposites join in a single circle of endless transformation. Physical matter continually changes form; oceans to clouds to rain to rivers, and so on. The same also applies to the matter of the mind, the heart and the spirit.

Now I finally have an explanation for those spontaneous bursts of passion overcoming me from time to time, those rare but overwhelmingly strong urges to create art, causing actual, physical pain to me if I don’t drop everything to follow them to the artistic extremes they will inevitably lead me.

That is what happened to me that other day when I made a fractal that expressed pure violence, an energy that burst out of me right onto the digital canvas, interrupting the midst of a regular, dull day at my job. It urged me to say what I couldn’t find words for at the time, releasing a vital passion from deep within me, making me feel like my spiritual lifeblood was being splattered across the screen.

It’s hard to explain if you haven’t lived it. My spirit was screaming, forcing me sit up and take notice; Social inhibitions and self-imposed responsibilities faded away, leaving room only for pure creative instinct. A long confined energy was liberated in the midst of a whirlpool of conflicting feelings. It was simultaneously maddening and exhiliarating.

Since that day, I have been consciously spinning my story, transforming a life of frustration, stress and repressed creativity into that of an artist on the path to self-discovery. Choosing to gain my bread elsewhere allows me to fully delve into my work without tainting it by thoughts of profit and marketability. I am starting to develop a sense of compassion, total acceptance of all the elements present in my life. I finally feel that I am beginning to know what I stand for. I am decyphering the message, and if there was only one thing I could pass on to others in my lifetime, it would be this:

All human beings are capable of creative expression. Rather than having you admire my art, I’d rather inspire you to make your own, whatever form it takes. Not all works of art are free, but Art, the right to create it, to feel it, to express it, is. Art is larger than any category we could slap on it. It’s so much more than just painting, sculpting, writing or making movies. It is a way of life, a way to express our divine spark in every action we take.

This has always been the underlying current of my blog, but now I have finally found the clarity to put it into words. This is a rather long post by my standards, and to wrap it up, I’d like to share with you a new spin I’ve put on a fractal you’re already familiar with, mixing up the same ingredients into something totally different, yet strangely familiar. I am calling it peace.

Seven Random and Weird Things

I got tagged by Patricia with this meme quite a while ago. The rules are simple:

1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

I will be skipping 4 and 5, considering that I’m quite late to join and there’s no one left I’d like to tag, thanks to Slade and his “7″ people

Anyway, here are my seven things, in no particular order:

1. I have a weakness for blogging, and I also happen to love cats. I can normally get away with it relatively undetected, being an eccentric artist and all, but I just couldn’t resist this meme, despite it being a little off-topic. Other responses I’ve seen so far have been great, and I’ll second the thought that infusing a blog with some actual humanity can only be a good thing. Someday, I’ll even blog about my actual cats (there are many of them, so be prepared!)

2. It’s currently over 30ºC outside, which is nothing surprising considering it’s summer down here in the southern hemisphere.

3. I have an exceptionally high IQ. My ego tells me this is really important, though I don’t really listen to him all that much. Anyway, from early childhood I was always fascinated by mundane objects that border on the metaphysical, and was driven to quiestion their very nature. Automatic doors, electrical circuits and mirrors, specially, always gave me the impression of revealing the deepest secrets of this world. More on this in a not so distant blog post.

4. When I was 18, a lot of people thought I was 22. Now that I actually am that age, people tend to guess around 27.

5. I speak 3 languages: native tongue (german), that of my country of residence (spanish) and english (of course). it’s curious that speaking multiple languages actually deepens one’s understanding of each of them. The superficial shapes one perceives normally start to give way, revealing the underlying structure of a given language from the perspective of another. Languages are truly marvelous human inventions.

6. Being creative in an artistic way runs in the family. In fact, my brother’s band recorded their first song just a while ago. I’ve said it elsewhere and will say it again and again: You’re an artist as soon as you start considering yourself one. So congrats to my brother, who has the guts to go out into the world and chase his dreams.

7. I don’t eat meat. Not because I have anything against it in principle, but because I just stopped liking it. I still eat plenty of fish. More on the philosophical debate behind this at some later time, go read this article by Kenton in the meantime.

There are a lot of random things I thought of, but since this post had to be capped at 7, I think I’ll be sneaking them into my future posts, one little piece of randomness at a time. Looking back over my archive, some my older entries feel a bit lifeless, missing a certain spark I have always professed to have. It’s all about that spark - true human interaction - not just people throwing words at one another. Anyway, if you are reading this and haven’t done the meme by any chance, please be my guest and let me know about it.

Compassion Begins With Myself

Today, I am participating in a group writing project brought to us by three awesome monks:

Albert – The Urban Monk
Kenton – Zen-Inspired Self Development
Wade – The Middle Way

To participate, just follow any of the links. Sticking around their sites and reading the other entries is also definitely worthwhile.

So, what is compassion anyway? The main problem with some definitions I have read is that they are always linking compassion to certain feeling of love towards others, as if it was something reserved only for those high up in the clouds on their spiritual paths, devoting their lives exclusively to the wellbeing of humanity. None of the above monks is actually guilty of that, it’s just a general impression I have, certain connotations that always seem to be floating around the word’s meaning.

So how do I define it? Compassion, for me, is about one simple thing: allowing, instead of trying. It is accepting situations as they are, and just letting things flow naturally. Yes, in such a state a deep empathy for all living beings arises within, but that is just a byproduct of allowing oneself to see the world from a natural and accepting viewpoint. Compassion is also about embracing creativity, expressing the self naturally without any restraints.

But it seems I’m losing myself in the clouds (again). Time to get a little bit more grounded, and tell you something that happened to me recently that made me think a lot about the true meaning behind compassion.

A couple of days ago, I found a couple of old photos in my wallet, which I took a little over a year ago to renew my passport. The photo in and of itself had nothing in particular: just a shot of my head on the mandatory gray background.

When I really started looking at the photo, though, I noticed something that really surprised me. I was seeing a serious and boring face as I expected, but the eyes staring back at me looked incredibly hollow and pale.

I had already been starting to forget where I was in my life just one year ago and how much I’ve seen, learned and done since then, so it was really scary to see my own face with that look of quiet rage and despair I have become so used to seeing in others whenever I take the public transport, but which has not been present on my face for what seems like forever. I was totally baffled and didn’t know how to react to all the memories that suddenly filled my head and vividly reminded me of my life just one incredibly short year ago.

“If you knew what I know now” I told this past self I was staring at, “You wouldn’t have that look on your face.” Really, it’s true. The tiny spark of light that was hidden deep inside back then would have been just a tad more visible, playing around in my head merrily even as I watched my life crumbling to pieces around me.

“It doesn’t really matter, though,” I went on saying, “because things shouldn’t have happened any other way. Right now, I’m exactly where I want to be.”

And with those final words of acceptance, the last bit of resistance I was still carrying around from that time just started melting away, giving way to a feeling of awe, to the pure wonder of even being alive. Letting go of the part of me that wished things had been different, embracing all that happened without bitterness, allowing myself to just stand there, photo still clutched in my trembling hands, a feeling of pure love and gratitude surging from within me, now that is something I can truly call compassion. It is something that naturally flows outwards to everyone I have (and haven’t) met on this journey which continues to amaze me every day.

If all of us could feel what I felt there for just an instant, the world would indeed be a very different place. If you are finding yourself in a tough situation right now, just look forward and ask your future self: “Why the hell is this happening to me?” Just be patient. In that future, I’m sure you will have your answer.